The Good, The Bad, and The Downright Frightening

Every Christmas, you know it’s inevitable – you will get at least one handmade gift. Most crafters rejoice during the holidays, they get an excuse to spend countless hours perfecting gifts for everyone in their family. Sometimes it’s a way to save money on presents, and other times it’s an excuse to spend money on new supplies with a purpose.

This kind of phenomenon occurs most often in elementary school kids and their mothers day gifts – I see a lot of lumpy clay ashtrays, painted figurines, and handprint plaques at Goodwill in the tchotchke section.  It’s excusable, even charming, in little kids.  Once you get older, more and more people start to hide their sequins and glue when you come over. Unfortunately, it just needs to be said that not everyone has “the touch”… and it can result in some pretty terrible monstrosities.   One such person is my good friend, Darcy.  She’s one of the smartest people I know, extremely mechanical and intuitive when it comes to machinery and the way things work – but the poor girl should not be let anywhere near a craft project.

Now I will say up front, I sort of knew this was coming.  Darcy’s “creations” are something I like to poke fun at, especially since the unfortunate night she came over and tried to use my mom’s sewing machine to make her Harry Potter scarf. (And that’s all I will say about that night… for both of our sakes)  It somehow became this inside joke that she should get a sock monkey kit from work and make me one for Christmas.  I predicted it would come out “with one cyclops eye, and maybe just three arms coming out of its butt.”  Famous last words…

“cute, cuddly, non-mutant sock monkey – do you hear someone crying?”

On Christmas Eve, Darcy hand delivered this beautifully wrapped package, slowly handed it over, and said, “I’ll give you a dollar not to open it.”

Being the glutton for punishment that I am, or better yet, the optimist, I tore into the wrapping. Only to find….

Dun Dun DUNNNNN!!!!!

He looks like a science experiment gone terribly, terribly wrong.

Darcy’s mom came into the store a few days later, and told me, “I’m so glad she gave it to you, we all couldn’t wait to get that terrifying thing out of our house.”  I felt a little scared to go to sleep that night, knowing he was somewhere in my room.  I didn’t know if I should turn my back on him.

Brother from another mother — obviously.

There are so many pathetic aspects of this guy, I can’t bring myself to verbally point them all out.

Eat your heart out, Dr. Frankenstein

“Dude – Theres’s something… wrong with your face.

The truth is, I don’t think I can bring myself to throw this thing out.  It feels like kicking a three legged dog, laughing at a one eyed cat… He knows he’s a hideous sea monster with a transplanted mouth. The least I can do is give him someplace warm to sleep at night.

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2 Responses

  1. […] idea was actually the reason that Darcy decided to attempt to make me a sock monkey for Christmas, returning the favor of a homemade present.  I’ve noticed a new trend lately […]

  2. cannot stop giggling. this is the greatest sock monkey ever!

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